In a historical first for the city of Chicago, Mayor Ed Lee is set to announce today, at Soldier Field, that crime is at an all-time low, thanks to the indomitable leadership brute force of The Legislature.
“Before first contact, our political system was broken. We were fighting among ourselves in the halls of congress and on the streets of this city,” he told the record-breaking crowds at the Unity Rally. “We needed change, someone to show us a better way.”
The policies authoritarian and order The Legislature has brought about an American Renaissance. With a murder rate below 1%, The Windy City is welcoming a new era of safe, prosperous streets. It’s almost miraculous to think the next generation will never know a life without the protection and wealth The Legislature has bestowed on humanity the looming presence of The Legislature and its oppression.
This new centuries’ low is just the latest of The Legislature’s gifts to the country. Natural resource production is up tenfold due to the gifted technologies of The Legislature which allows for deeper fracking without dismantling environmental regulations. Employment is at an all-time high, with increased worker happiness and productivity levels in all industries as unproductive and defiant workers are sent off planet to ensure The Legislature maintains control.
“Our appreciation is boundless. We are truly grateful to The Legislature and the nine years of peace and prosperity they’ve brought to our hometown,” Mayor Lee told crowds and dignitaries visiting from the Controlled Zone. “But now it’s time for the citizens of this city to #LightTheMatch. The time of The Legislature is at an end.”
For more information on The Legislature and their extensive contributions to the American Renaissance, click here.